Bizarre pairings

[transemacabre]

Convo with remix on the Marvelverse Crack Pairing Generator. Also? Zemo needs a mail-order Russian bride.

mississippienne: argh i got quicksilver/magneto
remix17: bah quicksilver is already incesty
remix17: oooo heinrich zemo/speedball would be the best
mississippienne: aahhh
mississippienne: i dont think i included speedball. i should
remix17: HAHAHAHAHHA: Vision/Ultron
mississippienne: it could spawn an angsty speedball/zemo after civil war fic. AND THE WORLD NEEDS THAT.
mississippienne: ewwwwww to the vision/ultron
remix17: namor/moonknight
remix17: aww ultron deserves a mate! :-D
remix17: pfttttthaha wiccan/doc strange
remix17: "teach me....master"
mississippienne: ultron needs a mate HE didnt create
remix17: he made a son for that one chick. that count?
remix17: victor's mom
remix17: "help...me...."
remix17: that was the most interesting hero origin ever
remix17: i miss doom being the father tho
remix17: that was just cruel to do that to me
mississippienne: i would have loved doom being the absentee father of a troubled hispanic youth
mississippienne: cause he couldve gone on tv and called him out, like, "papi, how come you dont love me and moms?"!
mississippienne: doom: "BAH!"
remix17: "Doom is no babydaddy!""
mississippienne: doom knows what living is. mo money, mo bitches, mo problems.
remix17: i loved how he called her a cow. ah classic doom
remix17: "silence, cow!"
mississippienne: doom is like, ol skool misogyny
remix17: oooooold school ^_^
mississippienne: like that issue where he's going to bang this latverian peasant girl, and completely fails to notice she's not jumping for joy
mississippienne: because to doom's mind, any woman should be ecstatically thrilled at the thought of being his fucktoy
remix17: she's just stunned at his magnitude is all
remix17: she's struck speechless!
mississippienne: um, yeah!
remix17: "Get on the bed and I will join you shortly."
"NO--"
"--more waiting? Yes I suppose I agree." *clank*
mississippienne: deadpool/havok. man, cable would be pissed. havok's his uncle!
mississippienne: joystick/she-hulk. joystick is a little lesbo ho. anyway, there'd be lots of green love in this one
remix17: she would love banging she-hulk
remix17: it'd be like a mark of honor
mississippienne: she WOULD
mississippienne: DR DOOM/VISION OMG
remix17: HAHAHA
remix17: oh my
mississippienne: "surrender to me, mechanical man! surrender to the passion of... DOOM!"
remix17: HEHEHE. poor vision, always getting bagged by the psychos
mississippienne: doom does have that gypsy spice ala wanda
mississippienne: iron man/ghost rider. they could be sexing, and then ghost rider eats his soul
remix17: wait
remix17: he'd go hungry =(
mississippienne: WAH
mississippienne: misty knight/dr doom. if there was ever a woman that could straighten out dr doom, its a tough black woman with a cyborg arm
remix17: doom: *surveying latveria* what is tha black dot on the milky horizaon?
mississippienne: crystal/foggy nelson. yeah, why not. she'd prolly do him.
remix17: lol doom cant spell teehee
mississippienne: english is his second language!
remix17: this explains all the chicks he gets. azzentz are zo sexy!
mississippienne: lolz
mississippienne: doom, in the time-honored tradition of many an eastern-european exchange student, relied on his accent to get him laid
mississippienne: whoa just got joystick/genis which is TOTALLY CANON
mississippienne: you have failed me, crack generator
mississippienne: cap/fixer. whoa. zemo would be so PISSED
remix17: fixer how could you?!
remix17: captain america, you fiend!
mississippienne: zemo would have a foot-stomping bitch fit. complete with high whiney voice
mississippienne: fixer: *laconic* whats the big deal? its not WE were doin' it...
mississippienne: zemo: *sputters*
remix17: "you missed your chance, big boy."
mississippienne: in zemo's nightmares, he sees fixer perched on cap's laugh, while cap laughs at him and says, "norbert likes his dick all-american, kraut-boy!" and then they laugh at him and zemo feels like he did when he had that dream he was naked in class.
remix17: "sorry, see. I like all-american hot dogs, not frankfurters"
mississippienne: zemo: *tear*
remix17: "besides, with your tight ass, i'd never get anywhere."
remix17: cap and him laugh XD
mississippienne: zemo: ill show you! ill show you all! ill... ill... *is alone*
remix17: cuz mel is gone
remix17: and heike
remix17: and he totally snubbed olivia
mississippienne: and karla is gone
mississippienne: and hawkeye and... WAH
remix17: XD
remix17: well karla is back...
remix17: and hawkeye
remix17: oh no
remix17: they'll go for each other again!
mississippienne: but not with him! *is emo*
remix17: WAH
remix17: maybe he'll find a nice peasant girl who will see past his looks if he promises to take her to a place where she can vote
remix17: and magical sewing machines and food more than once a day! and a dentist!
mississippienne: zemo should SO get a russian mail-order bride
mississippienne: "svetlana is acceptable!" *writes*
mississippienne: "dear svetlana -- my name is helmut. i am 70-uh, sorry, 35 years old. my mommy and daddy are dead. i am all alone. i am a successful businessman. i was married once but i didnt work out. please write back."
mississippienne: poor, poor svetlana. she just wants to escape crushing poverty in the ukraine
remix17: "my life is lonely. i miss my carefree days in nazi germany. i have nothing to live for. i am helmut. i am god's urinal."
mississippienne: LULZ
remix17: he would be so happy at her arrival. svetlana would be like "my, i thought all germans were mellow!"
mississippienne: svetlana: *looks at mask* *shrugs* "still not as ugly as ivan."
remix17: and he calls mel up half-drunk and tells her that she missed her chance
mississippienne: "*hic* i dont need you in my life! i have svet-svet-sweetie pie now! so what now, huh? WHAT NOW?"
mississippienne: mel: *sleepy* "who is this, again?"
remix17: and norman rolls over next to her. "who is it?"
"some swedish telemarketer"

(LJ-ify your IMs before pasting!)