Captain America in High School AU

[transemacabre]

You know it had to happen eventually. From AIM convo with myself and caia_comica

caia_comica: Also there should clearly be the Captain America High School AU.
mississippienne: there should.
caia_comica: Just, y'know, so we know there is a Fandom.
mississippienne: its a prerequisite
mississippienne: as soon as you get an active fandom, boom -- high school AU
mississippienne: of course, a high school AU would erase most of the more interesting aspects of cap's story... man out of time, ww2, SHIELD, etc...
caia_comica: Well, yes, this is why high school aus suck.
caia_comica: But nonetheless, they are necessary.
mississippienne: but damnit, cap would be on the varsity basketball team!
caia_comica: Well, he'd really just be a wimp! Until he TOOK STEROIDS!
mississippienne: ...what a great role model
caia_comica: But he'd be a moral paragon *anyway*.
mississippienne: i dont know how to explain the posse of disaffected germans bullying teen!cap and his friends
mississippienne: really pissed off exchange students?
caia_comica: Maybe!
mississippienne: oh -- arnim zola as the crazy biology teacher!
caia_comica: They are exchange students trying to replicate Cap's Super Basketball Player Serum!
caia_comica: And keep kidnapping him for, ahem, blood samples.
mississippienne: after awhile youd think theyd already have a pint or two, but noooo
caia_comica: Well, you know, they never manage to replicate the serum, so clearly what they need is MOORE.
caia_comica: (Also, they keep getting semen in it.)
mississippienne: yikes!
mississippienne: and principal schmidt (nicknamed the skull) is sekritly helping them out
caia_comica: Sekritly!
mississippienne: very sekritly
caia_comica: In between hitting them with his vaguely phallic stick.
caia_comica: And being scarily pervy about Cap.
mississippienne: yes! the pimp cane is a neccesity
mississippienne: teen!cap lives w/his gruff-but-heart-of-gold uncle, nick
caia_comica: And Nick runs the, um, PTA!
caia_comica: Which defends Cap from the Germans.
mississippienne: cap's best friend is his basketball teammate, sam
mississippienne: and sharon is the beautiful blonde cheerleader
caia_comica: .....naw, Sharon is totally on the girls' basketball team.
caia_comica: Not so much with the cheerleading.
caia_comica: Or maybe she plays soccer.
mississippienne: and they have slighty-tense but morally-upright adventures complete with problems that are easily resolved within an hour
caia_comica: *ponders*
caia_comica: Yes, exactly!
mississippienne: ooooh how do we fit in the bad girl, rachel?
caia_comica: She's a member of the Serpents' Sorority!
caia_comica: Who gets to know Cap when he has Adventures with them and their Evil Plots.
mississippienne: omg. BRILLIANT
mississippienne: EBIL EBIL plots
mississippienne: that involve, um, underage drinking. and cap talks to her about why its wrong
caia_comica: And she thinks he's cute anyway.
caia_comica: Even if he *is* really really lame.
mississippienne: awwwz!
caia_comica: And a druggie hypocrite.
mississippienne: ouch!
mississippienne: there can be guest-apps from tony, that dorky kid who wants to build a mecha suit just like in his favorite anime
caia_comica: Yes! But is really rich.
caia_comica: And joins in the underage drinking a lot.
mississippienne: which leads to a Very Special Episode
caia_comica: Yes! This may be when Rachel learns the Error of her Ways.
mississippienne: yes, yes, we're on a roll w/this one
caia_comica: We are!
mississippienne: theres a heart-to-heart talk between cap and his uncle nick about the tragedy of tony, um, wrecking his car
caia_comica: Yes. Even though Tony just goes off and gets a new one.
mississippienne: but lessons are learned. lots of soft-focus closeups of cap and rachel's faces as they talk about Consequences
caia_comica: .....if this is really going to be Smallville, he and Principle Schmidt should be having Mad Subtext.
mississippienne: they will, they will
mississippienne: it will push the boundaries of teen tv
caia_comica: Yes! the doomed love of a teenager and his principal!
mississippienne: principal schmidt will keep finding reasons to have a shirtless and sweaty cap, i dunno, lifting weights in front of him or something
caia_comica: Yes! and having him hauled into the office on some pretext, taking him out for coffee under duress, and telling him his life story.
mississippienne: oh god
mississippienne: that would be an entire episode right there
mississippienne: just schmidt talking about his life story
caia_comica: Yes. Probably an episode each season, with new details revealed in each!
mississippienne: helmut could be the err --- theater department geek! who wears pink! and hates cap for a perceived slight to his family!
caia_comica: Yes. Because when Cap was a kid he, like, knocked Mr. Zemo into a tub of glue.
mississippienne: oh yes! and principal schmidt's slutty daughter, synthea, and her bad boy lover, who just goes by "crossbones"
mississippienne: crossbones is a biker and uncle nick doesnt approve of him
caia_comica: He's a biker who spends all his time sucking up to principal Schmidt.
mississippienne: hes always hanging around the high school, although everyone has a sneaking suspicion crossbones is way past high school age
caia_comica: *nods* Which explains why he doesn't, like, actually attend class.
caia_comica: He spends *all* his time making up to Syn and running errands for Principal Schmidt.
mississippienne: but he does shake down the other kids for their lunch money. until cap Takes a Stand
caia_comica: At which point he has to, like, get a job.
caia_comica: Probably as a Henchman.
mississippienne: he joins the henchman's union
caia_comica: Yes! They organize and start picketing the school!
mississippienne: which starts more dialogue between cap and uncle nick about the history of unions in america
mississippienne: he and uncle nick have LOTS of heart-to-heart talks
mississippienne: minimum three every episode
caia_comica: Yes. They *do*.
caia_comica: And as Captain of the basketball team, Cap gives *lots* of pep talks.
caia_comica: he's good at this!
mississippienne: they always start the same way. cap says, "but uncle nick, it's not fair that ____"
caia_comica: Hee. Indeed.
caia_comica: But Nick is old and wise to the realities of life!
mississippienne: YES. inspiring pep-talks before each game
mississippienne: youd think they were going to charge into the trenches
caia_comica: Rather than merely play against the schools from the German and Japanese neighborhoods!
mississippienne: omigod
mississippienne: *puts head on desk*
mississippienne: *weeps*
mississippienne: i think you broke me
caia_comica: I'm surprised we survived the Captain America High School AU as long as we did.
mississippienne: omg we should totally pitch this to the WB
caia_comica: Yes! It'd be the next Smallville!
mississippienne: it would sell, caia, it would sell!
caia_comica: *nods* Much better than Aquaman.
mississippienne: they could call it, uh -- All-American Lad
caia_comica: Hee! That is totally an *awesome* name.
caia_comica: I mean, if you're me. I don't think it'd sell to the WB's demographic.
mississippienne: dangit
mississippienne: how about -- Cap Rogers and his Amazing Posse?
caia_comica: Hee! Why not?
mississippienne: too flash gordon isnt it?
caia_comica: Well, yes.
mississippienne: AH! and he should always be clad in some variation of red, white, and blue
mississippienne: like blue jeans w/a white shirt and red star
caia_comica: Yes! To subtly underline his patriotic future!
mississippienne: he's intended for Great Things!

(LJ-ify your IMs before pasting!)

Comments

[caiusmajor.livejournal.com]

I think sometime in the middle of the first season, there was an Incident that involved Mr. Zemo, glue, and probably a rocket, and Bucky (a cute tagalong from the elementary school!) disappeared shortly thereafter.

And then in Season Five, it's revealed that he was REALLY in an EBIL RUSSIAN BOARDING SCHOOL, and he comes back all strange.