Captain America in High School AU

[transemacabre]

You know it had to happen eventually. From AIM convo with myself and caia_comica

caia_comica: Also there should clearly be the Captain America High School AU.
mississippienne: there should.
caia_comica: Just, y'know, so we know there is a Fandom.
mississippienne: its a prerequisite
mississippienne: as soon as you get an active fandom, boom -- high school AU
mississippienne: of course, a high school AU would erase most of the more interesting aspects of cap's story... man out of time, ww2, SHIELD, etc...
caia_comica: Well, yes, this is why high school aus suck.
caia_comica: But nonetheless, they are necessary.
mississippienne: but damnit, cap would be on the varsity basketball team!
caia_comica: Well, he'd really just be a wimp! Until he TOOK STEROIDS!
mississippienne: ...what a great role model
caia_comica: But he'd be a moral paragon *anyway*.
mississippienne: i dont know how to explain the posse of disaffected germans bullying teen!cap and his friends
mississippienne: really pissed off exchange students?
caia_comica: Maybe!
mississippienne: oh -- arnim zola as the crazy biology teacher!
caia_comica: They are exchange students trying to replicate Cap's Super Basketball Player Serum!
caia_comica: And keep kidnapping him for, ahem, blood samples.
mississippienne: after awhile youd think theyd already have a pint or two, but noooo
caia_comica: Well, you know, they never manage to replicate the serum, so clearly what they need is MOORE.
caia_comica: (Also, they keep getting semen in it.)
mississippienne: yikes!
mississippienne: and principal schmidt (nicknamed the skull) is sekritly helping them out
caia_comica: Sekritly!
mississippienne: very sekritly
caia_comica: In between hitting them with his vaguely phallic stick.
caia_comica: And being scarily pervy about Cap.
mississippienne: yes! the pimp cane is a neccesity
mississippienne: teen!cap lives w/his gruff-but-heart-of-gold uncle, nick
caia_comica: And Nick runs the, um, PTA!
caia_comica: Which defends Cap from the Germans.
mississippienne: cap's best friend is his basketball teammate, sam
mississippienne: and sharon is the beautiful blonde cheerleader
caia_comica: .....naw, Sharon is totally on the girls' basketball team.
caia_comica: Not so much with the cheerleading.
caia_comica: Or maybe she plays soccer.
mississippienne: and they have slighty-tense but morally-upright adventures complete with problems that are easily resolved within an hour
caia_comica: *ponders*
caia_comica: Yes, exactly!
mississippienne: ooooh how do we fit in the bad girl, rachel?
caia_comica: She's a member of the Serpents' Sorority!
caia_comica: Who gets to know Cap when he has Adventures with them and their Evil Plots.
mississippienne: omg. BRILLIANT
mississippienne: EBIL EBIL plots
mississippienne: that involve, um, underage drinking. and cap talks to her about why its wrong
caia_comica: And she thinks he's cute anyway.
caia_comica: Even if he *is* really really lame.
mississippienne: awwwz!
caia_comica: And a druggie hypocrite.
mississippienne: ouch!
mississippienne: there can be guest-apps from tony, that dorky kid who wants to build a mecha suit just like in his favorite anime
caia_comica: Yes! But is really rich.
caia_comica: And joins in the underage drinking a lot.
mississippienne: which leads to a Very Special Episode
caia_comica: Yes! This may be when Rachel learns the Error of her Ways.
mississippienne: yes, yes, we're on a roll w/this one
caia_comica: We are!
mississippienne: theres a heart-to-heart talk between cap and his uncle nick about the tragedy of tony, um, wrecking his car
caia_comica: Yes. Even though Tony just goes off and gets a new one.
mississippienne: but lessons are learned. lots of soft-focus closeups of cap and rachel's faces as they talk about Consequences
caia_comica: .....if this is really going to be Smallville, he and Principle Schmidt should be having Mad Subtext.
mississippienne: they will, they will
mississippienne: it will push the boundaries of teen tv
caia_comica: Yes! the doomed love of a teenager and his principal!
mississippienne: principal schmidt will keep finding reasons to have a shirtless and sweaty cap, i dunno, lifting weights in front of him or something
caia_comica: Yes! and having him hauled into the office on some pretext, taking him out for coffee under duress, and telling him his life story.
mississippienne: oh god
mississippienne: that would be an entire episode right there
mississippienne: just schmidt talking about his life story
caia_comica: Yes. Probably an episode each season, with new details revealed in each!
mississippienne: helmut could be the err --- theater department geek! who wears pink! and hates cap for a perceived slight to his family!
caia_comica: Yes. Because when Cap was a kid he, like, knocked Mr. Zemo into a tub of glue.
mississippienne: oh yes! and principal schmidt's slutty daughter, synthea, and her bad boy lover, who just goes by "crossbones"
mississippienne: crossbones is a biker and uncle nick doesnt approve of him
caia_comica: He's a biker who spends all his time sucking up to principal Schmidt.
mississippienne: hes always hanging around the high school, although everyone has a sneaking suspicion crossbones is way past high school age
caia_comica: *nods* Which explains why he doesn't, like, actually attend class.
caia_comica: He spends *all* his time making up to Syn and running errands for Principal Schmidt.
mississippienne: but he does shake down the other kids for their lunch money. until cap Takes a Stand
caia_comica: At which point he has to, like, get a job.
caia_comica: Probably as a Henchman.
mississippienne: he joins the henchman's union
caia_comica: Yes! They organize and start picketing the school!
mississippienne: which starts more dialogue between cap and uncle nick about the history of unions in america
mississippienne: he and uncle nick have LOTS of heart-to-heart talks
mississippienne: minimum three every episode
caia_comica: Yes. They *do*.
caia_comica: And as Captain of the basketball team, Cap gives *lots* of pep talks.
caia_comica: he's good at this!
mississippienne: they always start the same way. cap says, "but uncle nick, it's not fair that ____"
caia_comica: Hee. Indeed.
caia_comica: But Nick is old and wise to the realities of life!
mississippienne: YES. inspiring pep-talks before each game
mississippienne: youd think they were going to charge into the trenches
caia_comica: Rather than merely play against the schools from the German and Japanese neighborhoods!
mississippienne: omigod
mississippienne: *puts head on desk*
mississippienne: *weeps*
mississippienne: i think you broke me
caia_comica: I'm surprised we survived the Captain America High School AU as long as we did.
mississippienne: omg we should totally pitch this to the WB
caia_comica: Yes! It'd be the next Smallville!
mississippienne: it would sell, caia, it would sell!
caia_comica: *nods* Much better than Aquaman.
mississippienne: they could call it, uh -- All-American Lad
caia_comica: Hee! That is totally an *awesome* name.
caia_comica: I mean, if you're me. I don't think it'd sell to the WB's demographic.
mississippienne: dangit
mississippienne: how about -- Cap Rogers and his Amazing Posse?
caia_comica: Hee! Why not?
mississippienne: too flash gordon isnt it?
caia_comica: Well, yes.
mississippienne: AH! and he should always be clad in some variation of red, white, and blue
mississippienne: like blue jeans w/a white shirt and red star
caia_comica: Yes! To subtly underline his patriotic future!
mississippienne: he's intended for Great Things!

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Comments

[remix17.livejournal.com]

Not only would Zemo be in drama class, he'd make the teacher obsolete.