After the Affair (spideyslash, R)

[transemacabre]

Written for alara_r's Valentine's Day Breakup Challenge. This is not connected to any previous story.



The first time it happened he tried to blame it on something: the heat of the moment, he was feeling vulnerable, a stress reaction, they were both so lonely. The devil made me do it! The second time, Peter made sure he had a couple of drinks beforehand so he could blame it on the alcohol afterward. Then on nights when his bed felt too cold and empty, he found himself heading downtown during patrols, ending up in Hell's Kitchen, and Matt always let him in. Always.

MJ was in California shooting a movie, her big break, and he wasn't even sure if she'd still be his wife when she got back. "Just a couple of months, Peter," she'd said, and he missed the days when she used to call him Tiger. If he'd asked her to stay, she would've stayed, but he couldn't do that to her. This was her dream. So he watched her go. He couldn't bring himself to take off the ring, to concede that his marriage was over. If he did, that might mean facing, well, whatever this thing with Matt was, and he had carefully filed that away in a part of his mind he never dwelt on except when he was in a mask. Sometimes at night Matt would explore his body, caress his hands and touch the ring, but Matt never asked and Peter never told.

According to Matt, this sort of thing wasn't unusual, it happened a lot in their set, as if you put on the spandex and boom! Pansexuality. And he was experienced, he knew things Peter had never even dreamed about. He'd done this before, and that was something Peter could never quite pluck up the courage to ask him about. They were always in the dark, since Matt had no need for light, and the darkness is the natural habitat of infidelity. Matt had taken up wearing a crucifix and when their bodies tangled together the crucifix bit into Peter's flesh, and he wondered just what judgment Matt's church would pass on this double sin, two men, one unfaithful. "We're both saints," Matt had said to him one night, while they were in the middle of a soapy bath so hot it made Peter lightheaded. "Saint Matthew and Saint Peter," and then Matt laughed, low and rough. Peter hadn't known what to say to that, so he lost himself in the feel of Matt's hands massaging his body, bruised and sore. It had been a hard night. Matt had the calloused hands of a boxer, and they always found the right places. Lying together, twisted in the sheets, Peter would kiss Matt's hair, the softest hair imaginable. Red hair, lighter than MJ's, but still red. Red.

It was too risky being together in public, and Peter never stayed the night. Photographer Peter Parker sneaking out of lawyer Matt Murdock's apartment in the wee hours of the morning might eventually catch some attention. So he was always gone before dawn, too shaky for patrol, so it was back to Queens and a couple hours exhausted sleep in his own bed. His dreams were orgies of red and tigers and crucifixes, and waking up was almost a release. It wasn't as if he was lying. No one asked him, no one had any reason to suspect. He never lied because no one asked.

When the end came, he couldn't say he wasn't expecting it, but when Matt came to him and said, "It's over," it hit him like an iron fist to the gut. An hour later, Peter was back in his own apartment, dry-heaving over the toilet. Not like he ever thought it was going to last. Matt didn't say why, but Peter knew the reason. Matt was an addict. Not for drugs, he would never touch those, but for danger. The Russian spy. The Greek ninja. The painted assassin. In company like that, Peter would always be the boy next door. Some new stimulus, something harder and scarier than anything Peter had to offer, had come into Daredevil's life. He danced with his addiction. And just like any addiction, every time it was harder and harder to reach the high. The time for spiders had passed.

MJ had sent him an email he had avoided opening for a week. "Tiger, I want to work it out," and she said she was coming home early from the shoot. He read it with blurry eyes. He knew that if he told her, she would forgive him, and somehow that made it worse. He wanted her to rage at him, to spit on him and throw her ring in his face, to tell him he was just as worthless as he felt. I don't deserve her forgiveness. But there was no one to blame. Not Matt, not MJ. So he took a deep breath, and it felt like a vise had been lifted, as though he'd been holding his breath since that first night in Matt's apartment. Time to face up to what you've done, Peter. Are you ready?

Comments

[transemacabre.livejournal.com]

Hey thanks! The only problem I have with slashing Peter is that he's married, and not just that, I like MJ. But I don't like it when one or both characters have canon relationships, then they're slashed and it's treated as if it's not infidelity if it's two men. They're still being unfaithful. And that might not mean much to some characters, but it would mean a hell of a lot to Peter.

I'm glad you liked the bathtub scene -- guess where I got the idea for this fic...? ;)

Write me spideyslash! NOW! I command you! please?

[turntap2.livejournal.com]

But how your wrote around the canon relationship was marvelous. Peter/MJ is one of my favorite ships.

[transemacabre.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I appreciate you reading very much.

[skalja.livejournal.com]

The nice thing about comics is that for the most part, even the married characters were once, well, not married. Which works out well, because in my opinion most of the truly slashy DD/Spidey material is pre-marriage.