Daken and Luna in Suburbia! (AIM with strawberispring)

[transemacabre]

So to understand this you need to know that strawberispring had a cracked out dream that Daken and future!Luna ended up together in the future and had two children. This sort of insanity demanded discussion.



suzy trackmarks (11:51:56 AM): Well it was fairly normal as far as dreams go until we time traveled and was confronted with the most fucked up pairing ever - Luna/Daken...seriously...what?
Mississippienne (11:52:32 AM): WTF... quicksilver's daughter luna? who's like 9?
suzy trackmarks (11:52:51 AM): She's six...but she wasn't six in this. She was, like, 20
suzy trackmarks (11:52:54 AM): *26
Mississippienne (11:53:05 AM): well...
suzy trackmarks (11:53:09 AM): they had two kids
Mississippienne (11:53:11 AM): daken doesnt age much, so...
suzy trackmarks (11:53:15 AM): it was creepily descriptive
Mississippienne (11:53:40 AM): *judges you*
suzy trackmarks (11:54:30 AM): well I was actually planning on ficing them before I went to sleep...just not like THAT. Like she'd be his Jubilee/Kitty/Hisako/whateverinternLoganhasnow. Then somehow "OOPS THEY'RE TOGETHER AND LOGAN LIVES IN THEIR BASEMENT"
Mississippienne (11:54:47 AM): OMFG
Mississippienne (11:54:50 AM): those poor kids
Mississippienne (11:55:00 AM): i mean... their grandpa is logan and he lives in their basement
Mississippienne (11:55:31 AM): and their great-grandpa is magneto. and step-grandpa is ronan the accuser. and thats not even getting into DAKEN being their FATHER
suzy trackmarks (11:56:58 AM): /seriously/ Although Ronana's been dead for quite some time since I have...futureverse or "WHAT THE FUCK MARVEL, BRING TUC BACK" as I like to call it. So I'm assuming in magic dreamland where Daken and Luna are together (are they married? We don't know) follows this...not planning on actually bringing this into fruition nooo...
suzy trackmarks (11:59:26 AM): I also want to think that their son is just Daken Jr.
suzy trackmarks (11:59:32 AM): because...seriously
Mississippienne (12:00:01 PM): no way daken married her
Mississippienne (12:00:08 PM): theyre living in sin
Mississippienne (12:00:11 PM): with their two kids
Mississippienne (12:00:16 PM): and grandpa in the basement
suzy trackmarks (12:00:39 PM): /yes/ I can't...the image of Daken being married to anyone ever refuses to come up
Mississippienne (12:01:03 PM): well i support him marrying harry osborn, but purely because it would piss off both logan AND norman
Mississippienne (12:01:21 PM): not for shipper purposes
suzy trackmarks (12:02:15 PM): right. Fuck. I actually want to fic their home life. GODDAMN YOU SUBCONSCIOUS >0<
Mississippienne (12:02:25 PM): go for it
Mississippienne (12:02:31 PM): i mean, why the hell not
suzy trackmarks (12:02:47 PM): yeah. It's not like it's her NOW and him...
Mississippienne (12:02:50 PM): can x-23 be in it too?
suzy trackmarks (12:04:59 PM): she can be their kooky aunt who brings them gifts from her journeys
Mississippienne (12:05:05 PM): YES
Mississippienne (12:06:31 PM): i picture them living in a pleasant suburb with a lot of confused and slightly terrified neighbors
suzy trackmarks (12:07:05 PM): Daken walks outside "hey, neighbor!" and the families just scream and go back into their houses
Mississippienne (12:07:54 PM): mrs. morgenstern across the street wont let daken jr. and luna jr. play with her kids after daken jr. accidentally deflates their basketball with his claws
suzy trackmarks (12:08:56 PM): but they shan't say anything because of all the wrath it'll incur. Black Bolt, Magneto, Wolverine, Pietro...actually whose wrath WON'T they incur?
Mississippienne (12:09:13 PM): luna jr. should have lockjaw as a pet
suzy trackmarks (12:09:39 PM): YES. Lockjaw lives with them. And she's mad when they won't let her enter him in the pet show
Mississippienne (12:10:22 PM): lots of gossipy housewives whenever 'aunt laura' shows up in her skin-tight black leather ensembles
Mississippienne (12:11:04 PM): mom luna is always sort of vague abt how these people are actually related to her and her 'partner'
suzy trackmarks (12:12:02 PM): "is she his sister?" "...kind of?" That's also because no one's quite sure what Laura is to Daken
Mississippienne (12:12:55 PM): his aunt, his sister... whos keeping track
suzy trackmarks (12:14:05 PM): then /everyone/ whispers when Luna's cousin Billy comes with his "life partner"
Mississippienne (12:14:55 PM): likewise its up in the air as to how exactly luna's 'cousins' billy, tommy, and t.j. are actually related to her
Mississippienne (12:16:31 PM): this causes a minor kerfluffle when billy and teddy try to pick up daken jr. and luna jr. from school. "what is your relation to the children?" "...look it involves a universal retcon, magic-induced pregnancies, demon souls, and an alien war. do you really want to know?"
suzy trackmarks (12:17:37 PM): "...not really. They can go." But what would the kids' actual names be? I'm assuming Luna Jr. would be named Itsu because Daken's an unrequitted mama's boy
Mississippienne (12:18:22 PM): itsu magda crystalith amaquelin maximoff akihiro howlett
suzy trackmarks (12:19:17 PM): YES. All kinds of yes. ;0;
Mississippienne (12:20:07 PM): daken jr.'s full name is daken pietro blackagar maximoff akihiro howlett
Mississippienne (12:20:58 PM): notice that logan's name is omitted because IN UR FACE DAD
suzy trackmarks (12:21:14 PM): Daken Jr. is blonde but wears his hair in a tatty style like his daddy - YES OF COURSE. Yet Daken allows Logan to live in his basement. Weird
Mississippienne (12:22:06 PM): well he's good for snikting bubs and chasing off the inevitable rogue mercenary ninja assassins so thats reason enough for keeping him around
suzy trackmarks (12:22:53 PM): yep. Plus he's good to taste test Luna's dinner. Because, honestly, she was raised as royalty. She won't know how to cook
suzy trackmarks (12:24:02 PM): "HEY DAD!" "don't call me that" "TRY THIS" "...no"
Mississippienne (12:25:14 PM): now im imagining the fight over who had to change the first set of baby itsu's pampers. "you do it, i have to go snikt a bub." "i'm royalty, i dont know how to change diapers!"
suzy trackmarks (12:25:42 PM): until Billy finally walks in and goes "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, /I'LL/ DO IT"
Mississippienne (12:26:56 PM): everytime baby itsu cries in the night luna kicks daken, who grumbles and rolls over and goes back to sleep, so grandpa logan just gets up and takes care of her for the first solid month of her life
Mississippienne (12:28:28 PM): they get more vigilant after daken jr.'s birth, if only because much like a puppy he's mobile and destructive after the first couple of weeks
suzy trackmarks (12:28:53 PM): pretty much and everyone just glares at Daken like "he gets this from you"
suzy trackmarks (12:28:58 PM): what powers would baby Itsu have?
suzy trackmarks (12:29:06 PM): seeing as Daken Jr. has claws
Mississippienne (12:29:16 PM): a speedster like grandpa pietro!
suzy trackmarks (12:29:33 PM): OH LORD YES. There aren't enough (any?) female speedsters these days
Mississippienne (12:30:00 PM): ... unfortunately shes also cross-eyed, so until they put an eye-patch on her she tends to run through walls
suzy trackmarks (12:30:22 PM): they have to get her corrective surgery like that kid who lived next door to me had to have
Mississippienne (12:31:19 PM): luna learns quickly not to leave itsu alone with a box of crayons, after that one incident where she came back from putting daken jr. down for a nap to find the entire hallway covered in a crayola-rendered masterpiece of sistine chapel porportions
suzy trackmarks (12:32:15 PM): most of Luna's day is spent cleaning up after Itsu
Mississippienne (12:33:15 PM): *sweeps up drywall, broken toys* "i'm royalty!" *cries*
Mississippienne (12:34:06 PM): luna chasing after itsu gave daken jr. ample time to chew through the legs on their furniture when he was a toddler.
Mississippienne (12:34:41 PM): grandpa logan: "he's teething!" daken: THAT LOVE SEAT WAS ANTIQUE."
suzy trackmarks (12:35:20 PM): "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PAID FOR THAT?!" "...nothing. You made the guy give it to you for free." "...THAT'S NOT THE POINT"
Mississippienne (12:36:08 PM): "daken, you cant put the baby in a cage!" "....WATCH ME."
suzy trackmarks (12:36:33 PM): "It's not a cage, dad. It's a playpen!" "Playpens don't usually have ceilings"
Mississippienne (12:37:37 PM): of course theyre both ~~~perfect angels~~~ whenever grandpa pietro is over, so he doesnt understand what the fuss is abt
Mississippienne (12:39:22 PM): he does however bribe baby itsu with a malibu barbie sportscar in return for a solemn promise that she will never join any mutant liberation armies, marry a robot, or ever ever ever date johnny storm
suzy trackmarks (12:40:37 PM): baby Itsu loves Papa Pietro most of all. "Oh, and when you go visit Auntie Medusa and Uncle Blackagar...don't steal their crystals. They get kind of touchy about that."
Mississippienne (12:42:01 PM): daken jr. just sits on pietro's lap and gazes up at him in beatific adoration while daken and logan glare in resentment
suzy trackmarks (12:43:02 PM): "WHY DO MY KIDS LIKE /YOU/ MORE" "1: I'm their grandpa and they're obligated to love me more. 2: I don't put them in a cage" "it ALWAYS COMES DOWN TO THE CAGE DOESN'T IT?!"
Mississippienne (12:44:02 PM): and pietro is like "one day, when you become avengers" while bouncing itsu and daken jr. on his knee, and logan snaps "x-men"
Mississippienne (12:44:12 PM): "AVENGERS." "X-MEN."
suzy trackmarks (12:44:50 PM): "AVENGERS" "X-ME--wait...they're Howletts. They can be on BOTH"
Mississippienne (12:45:24 PM): luke and jessica's teenaged daughter danielle can babysit
Mississippienne (12:45:41 PM): whenever logans too busy in madripoor and daken and luna need a break
suzy trackmarks (12:46:02 PM): and every time she leaves, she vows never to come back
suzy trackmarks (12:46:12 PM): but Luke and Jessica don't give her allowance
Mississippienne (12:46:34 PM): "but MOM..." "dani, where else are they going to find an indestrucible babysitter?"
Mississippienne (12:47:03 PM): "attilan?" "... one who doesnt have to commute from the moon?"
suzy trackmarks (12:47:41 PM): "But--" "No buts. I don't see the big deal. Itsu and Daken are LOVELY children" "THEY ARE SPAWN FROM HELL, MOM. SPAWN. FROM. HELL."
Mississippienne (12:48:39 PM): they always act worse after birthdays and christmas when grandmama crystal comes to visit and gets ttly BLOTTO and lets them run wild
suzy trackmarks (12:49:28 PM): and she tells them about ALL the times she cheated on grandpa Pietro but, even so, they both end up having sex in Logan's basement room. While Itsu and Daken run naked upstairs
Mississippienne (12:49:45 PM): "MOTHER!" "oh luna *hic* you look lovely darling--" "MOTHER i caught my children running naked down the street!" "...*hic* what children? oh! THE CHILDREN. ooooops."
suzy trackmarks (12:51:01 PM): "Thank God I was raised by a string of nannies and Lockjaw..." "...Hey -hic- what do you mean by that?" "Nothing."
Mississippienne (12:53:09 PM): it was all innocent tho. itsu and her childhood sweetheart, karolina and xavins six-year-old son, decided to elope to skrull space and daken jr. came along as a witness
Mississippienne (12:53:27 PM): they made it to robinson ave before being retrieved by luna
suzy trackmarks (12:54:17 PM): then they have to convince them that their marriage isn't actually legal and that children can't get married on earth
Mississippienne (12:55:32 PM): "but his mommies got married when they were little!" "they were betrothed under skrull law, and that doesnt count on earth!" itsu: *tragic face*
suzy trackmarks (12:56:15 PM): "NO" "you're just saying that because you and daddy aren't married!"
Mississippienne (12:56:29 PM): luna: *rubs temples, deep sigh*
Mississippienne (12:58:40 PM): "your daddy and i love each other very much--" itsu/daken jr: *dubious*
suzy trackmarks (12:59:10 PM): "...we just decided that marriage would not be a good idea because of the number of people who would attack the ceremony!" "riiiight..."
Mississippienne (1:01:21 PM): daken tries to look on the bright side. "luna, at least she didnt try to run off with one of norman osborns spawn."
Mississippienne (1:01:44 PM): luna: "yeah, she gets her taste in men from my side of the family." daken: *FURIOUS*
suzy trackmarks (1:02:23 PM): Daken: didn't your side of the family also have an affair with a real estate salesmen? Luna: ...I meant my dad's side of the family.

Comments

[manicr.livejournal.com]

I--- I think I'm in love.

[harmonyangel.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

There are NO WORDS.

I'm also marveling at the fact that I understood every word of this, and yet I'm sure it is UTTERLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE to 99.9% of the world population.

[sanstexte.livejournal.com]

That is what makes it AWESOME!

[rulethirtyfour.livejournal.com]

WHEN I CLICKED THIS I PICTURED LUNA LOVEGOOD, WHICH IS POSSIBLY EVEN WORSE.

ALSO: "I HAVE TO GO SNIKT A BUB"

[underdebate.livejournal.com]

LOL oh my god this is beautiful and also officially headcanon for me. ;-;