transemacabre | S#!t My Boss Says

I have a crazed Israeli boss named Itzik. This is a small sampling of ridiculous crap he's either told me or I've overheard him say.

Firstly, everything Itzik says is in ALL CAPS.

"WHAT SHIT IS THEESE?"

"FUCK YOU UNTIL YOUR ASSHOLE IS LIKE DONKEY ASSHOLE."

Sometimes he lectures me about things... that I'm not sure why he's lecturing me about them.

Itzik: "ISRAELI WOMAN... SHE IS LIKE POISONOUS SNAKE, HIDING IN GRASS, WAITING FOR MOMENT OF WEAKNESS -- THEN SHE STRIKE!"
Me: "Um, okay. I'll keep this in mind."

His attempts to show concern are laudable, yet strangely laughable.

Itzik: "WHY YOU SO SKINNY? YOU DO COCAINE?"
Me: "You don't pay me enough for me to do cocaine."