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transemacabreSo I was rewatching one of my favorite teen movies last night (my other favorite being Clueless), the John Hughes classic The Breakfast Club. I enjoy pretending that this movie speaks to my 80's teen years, despite the fact that I was a zygote when this movie was filmed in 1984. Anyway, what I'm getting at is the contrast between this, my favorite Hughes movie, and Pretty In Pink, my least favorite Hughes movie. I dislike PiP because of one reason, and that reason's name is Blane.
I'm not gonna bother with spoiler warnings, because this movie is, what, more than 25 years old? Any movie that is old enough to vote, smoke cigarettes, and have a soon-to-be deepy regreted quicky Vegas wedding is too old for spoiler warnings.
Anyway, the plot is about Andie (Molly Ringwald) who is a kickass high school student from "the wrong side of the tracks", which in an 80's John Hughes movie means that she makes her own clothes and goes to New Wave clubs, and the rich kids at school subsequently act like she might leave a flesh-eating virus on any surface she touches that is not immediately bleached. Her epically geeky friend Ducky is in love with her, but Andie disdains him and his dorky 80's John Hughes movie nickname. A rich prep named Steff takes time off from his busy schedule of snorting cocaine off Bibles to act like an asshole to Andie.
Another rich prep asshole, Blane, asks Andie out. This is the most awesome moment of her life, nevermind that Blane has the glassy eyed stare of a seasoned alcoholic. We are supposed to be thrilled for Andie that this bland spoiled brat has deigned to want to put his peepee in her giggy. Their "relationship" consists of the most awkward date ever so she can be insulted by his preppy, snotty friends. He asks her to the prom and then starts avoiding her because his clique doesn't like her. Then he has the nerve to show up at the prom and tell Andie that he "always believed in her".
And this is Molly Ringwald's favorite of her teen movies and she ships Andie/Blane COMB YOUR BEARD DON'T NOBODY WANNA HEAR THAT SHIT.
I don't care who you are Molly Ringwald
My only consolation is that this being a high school prom relationship, it will surely implode in two weeks and Andie will go onto college and meet a guy worthy of her. Blane is such a pussy bitch that pussies and bitches are insulted by the comparison. I want to make it clear that I am not a butthurt Andie/Ducky shipper; I think Ducky was waaaaay too immature for her. No, I just don't like the shallow love interest that is Blane.
His friend Steff calls Andie "trash" to his face, and all Blane can muster up is a lame "So what if I like her?" This scene reveals what a spineless little shit Blane is. John Hughes could've salvaged the movie right there, if he'd had Blane stand up and say, "Wait, wait, wait, you just called the girl I care about "trash". Listen, you cokehead little shit, Andie is a special, wonderful person and she makes me happy. I don't need your approval to date Andie, and I sure as hell don't want your opinion. If you EVER call Andie any sort of derogatory name again, you can consider this friendship to be OVER, got it?"
Steff would've pissed his preppy shorts and I could actually have rooted for Blane and Andie to end up together.
Why am I drawing a comparison to The Breakfast Club? Because John Bender (Judd Nelson), Molly Ringwald's love interest in that film, is a jerk. He has no regard for school property, he's confrontational, and he says things that make Claire, Molly's character, cry. What I'm trying to say is that Judd Nelson steals this movie. He's better at stealing this movie than Bernie Madoff is at stealing money.
Bender is also a challenging person. He challenges Claire's neat little life and confronts her about her petty behavior. He sits down and finds common ground with four very different people, including Claire. Bender is also willing to take the fall for the rest of the group when Vice Principal Vernon almost catches them roaming the halls; Bender provides a distraction so the others can get away, and takes the punishment himself. So Bender is a jerk -- a jerk with a spine and some sense of loyalty and self-sacrifice, which is at least three more character traits than Blane ever exhibits.
So in summation, fuck Blane and fuck the bad idea that he rode in on.
I'm not gonna bother with spoiler warnings, because this movie is, what, more than 25 years old? Any movie that is old enough to vote, smoke cigarettes, and have a soon-to-be deepy regreted quicky Vegas wedding is too old for spoiler warnings.
Anyway, the plot is about Andie (Molly Ringwald) who is a kickass high school student from "the wrong side of the tracks", which in an 80's John Hughes movie means that she makes her own clothes and goes to New Wave clubs, and the rich kids at school subsequently act like she might leave a flesh-eating virus on any surface she touches that is not immediately bleached. Her epically geeky friend Ducky is in love with her, but Andie disdains him and his dorky 80's John Hughes movie nickname. A rich prep named Steff takes time off from his busy schedule of snorting cocaine off Bibles to act like an asshole to Andie.
Another rich prep asshole, Blane, asks Andie out. This is the most awesome moment of her life, nevermind that Blane has the glassy eyed stare of a seasoned alcoholic. We are supposed to be thrilled for Andie that this bland spoiled brat has deigned to want to put his peepee in her giggy. Their "relationship" consists of the most awkward date ever so she can be insulted by his preppy, snotty friends. He asks her to the prom and then starts avoiding her because his clique doesn't like her. Then he has the nerve to show up at the prom and tell Andie that he "always believed in her".
And this is Molly Ringwald's favorite of her teen movies and she ships Andie/Blane COMB YOUR BEARD DON'T NOBODY WANNA HEAR THAT SHIT.
I don't care who you are Molly Ringwald
My only consolation is that this being a high school prom relationship, it will surely implode in two weeks and Andie will go onto college and meet a guy worthy of her. Blane is such a pussy bitch that pussies and bitches are insulted by the comparison. I want to make it clear that I am not a butthurt Andie/Ducky shipper; I think Ducky was waaaaay too immature for her. No, I just don't like the shallow love interest that is Blane.
His friend Steff calls Andie "trash" to his face, and all Blane can muster up is a lame "So what if I like her?" This scene reveals what a spineless little shit Blane is. John Hughes could've salvaged the movie right there, if he'd had Blane stand up and say, "Wait, wait, wait, you just called the girl I care about "trash". Listen, you cokehead little shit, Andie is a special, wonderful person and she makes me happy. I don't need your approval to date Andie, and I sure as hell don't want your opinion. If you EVER call Andie any sort of derogatory name again, you can consider this friendship to be OVER, got it?"
Steff would've pissed his preppy shorts and I could actually have rooted for Blane and Andie to end up together.
Why am I drawing a comparison to The Breakfast Club? Because John Bender (Judd Nelson), Molly Ringwald's love interest in that film, is a jerk. He has no regard for school property, he's confrontational, and he says things that make Claire, Molly's character, cry. What I'm trying to say is that Judd Nelson steals this movie. He's better at stealing this movie than Bernie Madoff is at stealing money.
Bender is also a challenging person. He challenges Claire's neat little life and confronts her about her petty behavior. He sits down and finds common ground with four very different people, including Claire. Bender is also willing to take the fall for the rest of the group when Vice Principal Vernon almost catches them roaming the halls; Bender provides a distraction so the others can get away, and takes the punishment himself. So Bender is a jerk -- a jerk with a spine and some sense of loyalty and self-sacrifice, which is at least three more character traits than Blane ever exhibits.
So in summation, fuck Blane and fuck the bad idea that he rode in on.
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Date: 2012-02-22 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-22 05:25 am (UTC)