transemacabre | Avengers Cinematic Fandom: A Prediction of Wank

So, like many fangirls, I am all a-squee about the photos and trailers of the upcoming Avengers movie. I loved all the previous Marvel Cinematic Universe movies (I saw Incredible Hulk TWICE. In theaters!) and if Avengers turns out to be even mediocre, I will be in fangirl Nirvana.

But am I the only one who sees storm clouds on the horizon? Hears the faraway thunder? Feels the swelling tension? I predict that Avengers fandom is going to be wanky, and I am torn between dreading it and being all ~TROLLFACE~ about the prospect of epic wank. You just cannot have this many hot, slashy guys on a team together, along with the incomparably delicious ScarJo, and have Joss Whedon attached, without some sort of insanity. It's just not even possible. So I'm calling my predictions now, and we'll see how they turn out:

-- Most Likely To Be Given Rape as Backstory: Clint/Hawkeye. I foresee many fics about him being sexually abused as a youngster in the circus, unless movie canon Josses that backstory.

-- Most Likely Pairing to Inspire Rapid Shipper Wars: Tony/Steve vs. Tony/anyone else or Steve/anyone else.

-- "Surprise" Pairing That Unexpectedly Becomes Wildly Popular Based on the Movie: I'm going with Steve/Clint on this one, that is if they keep any of their early canon interaction from the comics.

-- Pairing That Probably *Should* Have More Shippers, But Won't: Tony/Thor. Even in Thor fandom, Tony gets shipped more with Loki, despite the two of them having very little interaction in the comics and zero so far in movieverse. Tony/Thor used to be totally shippable back in the day in the Avengers comics, but I think Steve/Tony and Thor/Loki will drown out any chance of Tony/Thor getting a following.

-- Most Likely To Be Loathed by Fanbrats and Called "Horseface": ScarJo, aka Natasha/Black Widow, because she's a ridiculously gorgeous female character on a team full of gorgeous, slashable men.

-- Most Likely To Be Revealed As a Lesbian: Natasha again. Outside chance of Loki.

-- Most Likely To Receive "Healing Cock": Gonna go with the darkhorse bet here, Bruce/Hulk.

-- Pairing Most Likely To Be Thrown In As an Afterthought To "Pair the Spares": Bruce/Natasha. Calling it now.

-- Character Most Likely To Be Totally Forgotten About in Majority of Fanfic: I'm gonna say Thor. Nick Fury is my backup bet.

-- Most Likely To Have Own Cabal of Fangirls Who Believe They Are Married to Him on the Astral Plane: I'm predicting Steve, but Loki is also a strong contender.

-- Odds of Us Ever Getting an Avengers Kink Meme With Staying Power: 1/40. There's been what, nine or ten random Avengers kink memes by now?

-- Odds of FlameWar Erupting Involving Ten or More Sockpuppets: 1/5.

-- Odds of Fanbrat Who Insists S/He Can "Channel" A Movie Character: 1/10.

-- Odds of Fandom Attracting Incredibly Wanky BNF of the Caliber of Cassie Claire/Usagi Kou/MsScribe: 1/2.

Wanna place your bets?