Avengers Cinematic Fandom: A Prediction of Wank

[transemacabre]

So, like many fangirls, I am all a-squee about the photos and trailers of the upcoming Avengers movie. I loved all the previous Marvel Cinematic Universe movies (I saw Incredible Hulk TWICE. In theaters!) and if Avengers turns out to be even mediocre, I will be in fangirl Nirvana.

But am I the only one who sees storm clouds on the horizon? Hears the faraway thunder? Feels the swelling tension? I predict that Avengers fandom is going to be wanky, and I am torn between dreading it and being all ~TROLLFACE~ about the prospect of epic wank. You just cannot have this many hot, slashy guys on a team together, along with the incomparably delicious ScarJo, and have Joss Whedon attached, without some sort of insanity. It's just not even possible. So I'm calling my predictions now, and we'll see how they turn out:

-- Most Likely To Be Given Rape as Backstory: Clint/Hawkeye. I foresee many fics about him being sexually abused as a youngster in the circus, unless movie canon Josses that backstory.

-- Most Likely Pairing to Inspire Rapid Shipper Wars: Tony/Steve vs. Tony/anyone else or Steve/anyone else.

-- "Surprise" Pairing That Unexpectedly Becomes Wildly Popular Based on the Movie: I'm going with Steve/Clint on this one, that is if they keep any of their early canon interaction from the comics.

-- Pairing That Probably *Should* Have More Shippers, But Won't: Tony/Thor. Even in Thor fandom, Tony gets shipped more with Loki, despite the two of them having very little interaction in the comics and zero so far in movieverse. Tony/Thor used to be totally shippable back in the day in the Avengers comics, but I think Steve/Tony and Thor/Loki will drown out any chance of Tony/Thor getting a following.

-- Most Likely To Be Loathed by Fanbrats and Called "Horseface": ScarJo, aka Natasha/Black Widow, because she's a ridiculously gorgeous female character on a team full of gorgeous, slashable men.

-- Most Likely To Be Revealed As a Lesbian: Natasha again. Outside chance of Loki.

-- Most Likely To Receive "Healing Cock": Gonna go with the darkhorse bet here, Bruce/Hulk.

-- Pairing Most Likely To Be Thrown In As an Afterthought To "Pair the Spares": Bruce/Natasha. Calling it now.

-- Character Most Likely To Be Totally Forgotten About in Majority of Fanfic: I'm gonna say Thor. Nick Fury is my backup bet.

-- Most Likely To Have Own Cabal of Fangirls Who Believe They Are Married to Him on the Astral Plane: I'm predicting Steve, but Loki is also a strong contender.

-- Odds of Us Ever Getting an Avengers Kink Meme With Staying Power: 1/40. There's been what, nine or ten random Avengers kink memes by now?

-- Odds of FlameWar Erupting Involving Ten or More Sockpuppets: 1/5.

-- Odds of Fanbrat Who Insists S/He Can "Channel" A Movie Character: 1/10.

-- Odds of Fandom Attracting Incredibly Wanky BNF of the Caliber of Cassie Claire/Usagi Kou/MsScribe: 1/2.

Wanna place your bets?

Comments

[strawberispring.livejournal.com]

YES. All of this.

[lokifan]

AHAHA IT'S SO TRUE.

I think Thor won't be totally forgotten about, because people will want to show how Loki's evil is ALL HIS FAULT when they do Loki fic. /bitter

Also, Loki is TOTALLY getting Snapewives. Did you SEE the fandom_wank entry about the reaction to Hiddleston being married??

[dazzledfirestar.livejournal.com]

I think you're pretty right about most of this... though the surprise pairing... idk. I think Coulson/Clint might win that title. There's already quite a following. lol

[skalja.livejournal.com]

It's definitely Clint/Coulson, although by the time the movie comes out it could be established enough that we get another surprise pairing.

[dazzledfirestar.livejournal.com]

That's very true! I have to admit to wondering what it might be! :D

[mike-smith.livejournal.com]

This sort of thing is much more enjoyable when it's the Avengers instead of some crappy British thing I hate.

HULK: Rarrrghh! Hulk use Hulk's pee-pee to make puny Arrow-Man feel better!

HAWKEYE: Look out, Methuselah! Ol' Jade Jaws is feelin' frisky again! He better not get ahold of me, or he just might bring out repressed memories of when the Swordsman fondled me in the big-top!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Stow that talk, mister! I'm receiving a telepathic signal from the astral plane! It must be my fangirl harem, warning me about Baron Zemo's next move!

And then Baron Zemo shoots them all. The end.

[miss-bushido.livejournal.com]

Most Likely To Have Own Cabal of Fangirls Who Believe They Are Married to Him on the Astral Plane: I'm predicting Steve, but Loki is also a strong contender.

Have you seen tumblr lately? The Loki thing is already happening.

[transemacabre.livejournal.com]

I try to stay as far from Tumblr as possible. That way lies madness~

[harlot-ohara.livejournal.com]

I laughed and hated the truth behind this. As soon as people start hating on poor Natalia, I will start to despise this fannon for a while.

That and...I was ashamed of how awesome I think Steve/Clint would be.

Though, honestly, I'm way bigger on that dirty hetrosexual Steve/Natalia. I can only hope that he gets a girlfriend in a movie to make all of the fanbrats (good term) rage on how he's cheating on Tony, omg!